英語搞笑故事_2分鐘左右幽默英語故事 200詞左右急需 _生活經驗

英語幽默故事帶翻譯The Old Cat
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.
Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."
【譯文】
老貓
一位老婦有只貓，這只貓很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了東西，因為它年紀太大了。一天，老貓發現一只老鼠，它跳過去抓這只老鼠，然而，它咬不住這只老鼠。因此，老鼠從它的嘴邊溜掉了，因為老貓咬不了它。
于是，老婦很生氣，因為老貓沒有把老鼠咬死。她開始打這只貓，貓說：“不要打你的老仆人，我已經為你服務了很多年，而且還愿意為你效勞，但是，我實在太老了，對年紀大的不要這么無情，要記住老年人在年青時所做過的有益的事情。”
A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust.
He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river."
He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them.
Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.
【譯文】
一個人正朝著一個富人的房子走去，當他沿著路走時，在路的一邊他發現一箱好蘋果，他說：“我不打算吃那些蘋果，因為富人會給我更多的食物，他會給我很好吃的東西。”然后他拿起蘋果，一把扔到土里去。
他繼續走，來到河邊，河漲水了，因此，他到不了河對岸，他等了一會兒，然后他說：“今天我去不了富人家了，因為我不能渡過河。”
他開始回家，那天他沒有吃東西。他就開始去找吃的，他找到蘋果，很高興地把它們從塵土中翻出來吃了。
不要把好東西扔掉，換個時候你會覺得它們大有用處。
The City Mouse and the Country Mouse
Once there were two mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, "Do come and see me at my house in the country." So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, "This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should come and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must come and see me at my house in the city."
The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, " Run! Run! The cat is coming!" They ran away quickly and hid.
After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, "I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid."
【譯文】
城里老鼠和鄉下老鼠
從前，有兩只老鼠，它們是好朋友。一只老鼠居住在鄉村，另一只住在城里。很多年以后，鄉下老鼠碰到城里老鼠，它說：“你一定要來我鄉下的家看看。”于是，城里老鼠就去了。鄉下老鼠領著它到了一塊田地上它自己的家里。它把所有最精美食物都找出來給城里老鼠。城里老鼠說：“這東西不好吃，你的家也不好，你為什么住在田野的地洞里呢？你應該搬到城里去住，你能住上用石頭造的漂亮房子，還會吃上美味佳肴，你應該到我城里的家看看。”
鄉下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。房子十分漂亮，好吃的東西也為他們擺好了。可是正當他們要開始吃的時候，聽見很大的一陣響聲，城里的老鼠叫喊起來：“快跑！快跑！貓來了！”他們飛快地跑開躲藏起來。
過了一會兒，他們出來了。當他們出來時，鄉下老鼠說：“我不喜歡住在城里，我喜歡住在田野我的洞里。因為這樣雖然貧窮但是快樂自在，比起雖然富有卻要過著提心吊膽的生活來說，要好些。”
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老師:為什么你每天早晨都遲到?
湯姆:每當我經過學校的拐角處,就看見一個牌子上寫著"學校----慢行".
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”
“我給了一個可憐的老太婆， ”他回答說。“你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？”
“她是個賣糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸， ‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸，”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”
英語幽默小故事50字左右（帶翻譯）

【英語搞笑故事_2分鐘左右幽默英語故事 200詞左右急需】

為什么大象不玩電腦？
A: He’s afraid of the mouse!
他害怕老鼠！
鼠標和老鼠的英文皆為mouse 。
mouse [maʊs] n. 鼠標；老鼠；膽小羞怯的人

文章插圖
2.A much worried patiant walked into the doctor's office and asked for help 。
"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday."
"Oh, don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days." The doctor said.
一位很焦急的病人走到醫生辦公室尋求幫助。
“醫生，我不知道該怎么辦。昨天我不小心喝下了一瓶汽油。”
“哦，不用擔心。你一定要牢記未來幾天不要吸煙就行了。”醫生說。
3.A man was hit by a cab in the street.
He was brought to the hospital.
His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
"Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一個男人在街上被出租車撞倒送進了醫院.
他的妻子站在他的床前對醫生說:"我想他傷得很厲害."
醫生說:"我怕他已經死了."
聽到醫生的話,這個男人轉動著頭說:"我沒死,我還活著."
妻子說:"安靜,醫生比你懂得多."
4.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
And God says: "A penny".
Then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"
And God says: "a second",
Then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"
And God says "In a second".
一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.
他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"
上帝回答:"一便士."
男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"
上帝說:"一秒鐘."
最后男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"
上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."
5.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？
約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。
湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？
約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。
6.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發生了什么事？”
“一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。
“再見到他你能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。
“他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說。“他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。”英語幽默故事Delicious！
A Hollywood producer was determined to give his mothera birthday gift that would be better than any his brothers weregiving her． He heard about an amazing bird which could talk intwelve languages and sing ten famous operas． He immediately bought the bird and sent it to his mother． It cost him＄50 ， 000．
The day after her birthday，he phoned his mother．“What did you think of the bird，Mother？” he asked eagerly．His mother replied，“Delcious！”
說的是一個人花了很多錢買了一只鳥，送給他媽媽，過了一時間兒子問他鳥怎么樣，他媽媽說“很美味！”
呵呵~~
字數不夠自己加點啦
求一篇搞笑英語故事，3分鐘左右Bad Day——倒霉的一天
There was a guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stayed like that for half an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up next to him, took the drink from the guy, and drank it all down.
The poor man started crying. The truck driver said, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I was late getting to my office. My boss was outrageous, and fired me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and when I left it, I remembered I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drove away. When I got home, I found my wife in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
一個男人坐在酒吧里，看著自己的酒發呆。他這個樣子已經有半個小時了。這時，一個好惹事的卡車司機走到他旁邊，從他手里一把搶過酒杯，把酒喝了個精光。
可憐的男人大哭起來。卡車司機說，“拜托，哥們，我只是在和你開個玩笑。這樣吧，我再給你買一杯，我實在受不了看著一個大男人哭。”
“不，不是那樣的。今天是我這輩子最倒霉的日子。首先，我上班遲到了，我的老板是個蠻橫的家伙，他把我炒了。當我離開辦公樓去取車時，發現我的車被偷了,警察卻說他們對此無能為力。于是我只好打車回家，下了車，我發現錢包和信用卡都落在了車上，但那個出租車司機已經把車開走了。我回到家，發現我老婆和園丁正在床上鬼混。我離開家，來到這個酒吧。而現在，正當我考慮要結束我的生命，你出現了，還喝了我的毒酒。”
非常簡短的英語幽默故事來源：百度知道

Big Head
“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”
“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”
“Where's the shopping bag?”
“I haven't got one,use your hat.”
大腦袋
“所有的孩子都拿我開玩笑， ”小男孩哭著跟媽媽說：“他們說我長了一個大腦袋。”
“別聽他們的， ”他媽媽安慰說：“你的腦袋長得很漂亮。好了，別哭了，去商店買10磅土豆來。”
“購物袋在哪？”
“我沒有購物袋，就用你的帽子吧。”
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”
“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。“你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？”
“她是個賣糖果的。”
Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父親在哪兒？
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？”
哥哥想了會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”
四個英語經典搞笑故事My First and My Last
When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.
George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go."
They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.
When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."
Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"
"Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.
第一次與最后一次
喬治35歲時買了架小型飛機，并開始學習駕駛。不久，他就能很嫻熟地駕機做各種各樣的特技飛行了。
喬治有個朋友名叫馬克。一天，喬治主動邀請馬克乘他的飛機上天兜一圈。馬克心想，“我乘大客機飛行過好幾次，還從來沒有乘過小飛機，我不妨試一試。”
升空后，喬治飛了有半個小時，在空中做了各種各樣的飛行特技。
后來他們著陸了。馬克很高興能夠安全返回地面。他用顫抖的聲音對他的朋友說：“喬治，非常感謝你讓我乘小飛機做了兩次飛行。”
喬治非常吃驚地問：“兩次飛行？”
“是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”馬克答道。
First Flight
Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?"
"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."
第一次坐飛機
約翰遜先生從前未乘過飛機，他讀過許多關于飛行事故的報道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀請他乘自己的小飛機飛行時，約翰遜先生非常擔心，不敢接受。不過，由于朋友不斷保證說飛行是很安全的，約翰遜先生終于被說服了，登上了飛機。
他的朋友啟動引擎開始在機場跑道上滑行。約翰遜先生聽說飛行中最危險的是起飛與降落，所以他嚇得緊閉雙眼。
過了一兩分鐘，他睜開雙眼朝窗外望去，接著對朋友說道：“看下面那些人，他們看起來就象螞蟻一樣?。遣皇牽俊?
“那些就是螞蟻，”他的朋友答道，“我們還在地面上。”
A Nail Or A Fly?
An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour.
So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
釘子還是蒼蠅？
一位視力正在衰退的老紳士住進了一家旅館的客房。他雙手各拿一瓶酒。在墻上有只蒼蠅，他誤以為是枚釘子。他把兩只瓶子朝上一掛，瓶子掉下來摔碎了，酒灑了一地。一個女服務員發現發生的事情以后，對他深表同情，決定幫他個忙。
于是，第二天早上他到樓頂花園散步時，她把一枚釘子釘在了蒼蠅停過的地方。
這里，老人回到了房里。倒灑的酒味讓他想起了那件事。他抬頭往墻上一看，蒼蠅又停在了那兒!他輕手輕腳地走近，使盡全力拍了一掌。聽到一聲大叫，好心的女服務員沖進房來。讓她大為吃驚的是，可憐的老頭正坐在地板上，牙關緊咬，右手滴血不止。
I'll See to the Rest
A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.
"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"
"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.
"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."
其余的事由我負責
一位車上的列車員剛發出信號讓火車啟動，這時他看見一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站臺上一節打開的車廂門旁邊，跟車廂里另一位漂亮姑娘在說話。
“快點，小姐!”他喊道：“請把門關上。”
“噢，我還沒有和妹妹吻別呢。”她回答道。
“請把門關上好了，”列車員說：“其余的事由我負責。”
Chaude and Cold
A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."
"Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
熱與冷
蒙特利爾自助餐廳的一位顧客擰開盥洗室的龍頭，結果被水燙傷了。“這太可惡了， ”他抱怨道， “標著C的龍頭流出的是開水。”
“可是，先生，C代表Chaude－法語里代表‘熱’ 。如果您居住在蒙特利爾的話就得知道這一點。”
“等等，”那位顧客咆哮一聲， “另外一個龍頭同樣標的是C 。”
“當然，”經理說道：“它代表冷。畢竟，蒙特利爾是個雙語城市。”
這個網站里還有很多
參考資料：
2分鐘左右幽默英語故事 200詞左右急需1、老板最大
There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot.
有個人到一間商店買鸚鵡。
There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000.
店里有三只鸚鵡，其中一只賣五千元，另一只賣一萬元，還有一只賣三萬元。
The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That‟s so expensive for this kindof parrot.”
顧客問老板：「為什么這只要賣五千元？這個價錢對這種鸚鵡來說太貴了！」
The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.”
老板說：「因為我有訓練他講話。」
So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?”
顧客又問：「那這只呢？他會做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」
The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That‟s why he‟s so expensive.”
老板說：「他除了會說話之外，還會表演一些有趣的動作，好比說跳舞等等，所以才賣這么貴。」
Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?”
顧客接著又問：「那第三只呢？他會做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」
The owner of the shopsaid, “I don‟t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all!
老板說：「我不知道。我從沒聽過他講話、吹口哨或唱歌，也沒看過他跳舞，什么都沒有！
But the other two call him „The Boss.‟”
不過另外兩只叫他：『老板！』」
2、他真是一個大人物
Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.
小孩：我叔叔下面有1000個人。
Man:He is really somebody.What does do?
男人：他真是一個大人物。他是干什么的？
Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery.
小孩：墓地守墓人。

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3、 A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate.
有個小孩愛上了另一個小孩，對方是學校的同學。
Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class.
八歲或十歲左右的孩子有時會迷戀班上某個人，然后就以為自己戀愛了。
So the eight-year-old kid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?”
因此這個八歲的小孩回家問他爸爸：「爸爸，結婚很花錢嗎？」
And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.”
爸爸說：「是啊，兒子，非常花錢。」
So the son asked, “How much does it cost?”
兒子又問：「要花多少錢呢？」
And the father said, “I don‟t know, son. I‟m still paying.”
爸爸說：「我不知道，兒子，我到現在還一直在付錢?。?
4、Son: Dad, give me a dime.
兒子：爸爸，給我一角錢。
Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes?
父親：兒子，你不認為你已經長大了，不該再老是一角一角地要錢了(該自立了) ，不是嗎？
Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?
兒子：爸爸，我想你是對的，那給我一塊錢行嗎？
5、Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old.
湯姆是個小孩，他才7歲。
Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that.
當他去電影院的時候。那時他第一次去。
He buys a ticket and goes in.
他買了張票進去了。
But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again.
但沒過兩三分鐘他就出來了，然后買了第二張票又進去了。
After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket.
幾分鐘后他又出來買了第三張票。
Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket.
接著兩三分鐘后他又出來買票。
But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?”
一個女的問她，“你為什么要買那么多票啊? 你見到了幾個朋友？"
“No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”
"沒有，我里面沒朋友，但是每當我進門的時候一位大的女人老把我的票給剪了。"

英語搞笑故事_2分鐘左右幽默英語故事 200詞左右 急需

英語搞笑故事_2分鐘左右幽默英語故事 200詞左右急需